i can't believe i had my finger in that
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
