now i know why i became what i already was.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
