party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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