i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
