does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
