we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
