Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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