Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
