I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
