I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
