The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
