I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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