I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
