My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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