____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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