Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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