I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Rumble strips road head = magical
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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