I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
