Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
