did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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