My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
