so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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