You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
