Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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