Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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