We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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