just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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