Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
