oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
