That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
