break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
