Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
