Rock
Scissors
Fuck
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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