There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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