Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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