I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
