this just has baby written all over it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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