I'm gonna have a badass scar
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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