***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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