I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
