True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize