Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they're like a gay fantastic four
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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