she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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