why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm bleeding and have questions
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
