she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
