Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
