I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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