I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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