I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
