Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
