I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
