if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
