god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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